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Honestly the bar is so fucking low for men and they’re still coming out so lackluster at the Met Gala. Women celebs are showing up as walking performance art and what about the fellas? Oh, another black tux but this time you’re wearing red shoes. Call the narcs. Oh, maybe this radical boy is gonna slam us with some black velvet. How controversial. You think a shift to yet another safe texture is enough? Where’s the lace? The collars! Where are the crowns of thorns? What man is going to be the only lion amongst a den of cowards and waltz in there with that Saint Sebastian vibe, assnaked and unmistakably gay? Catholicism hasn’t been horny for beefy, dying men for centuries just so we can play it safe with another boring black tux.

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